Saturday, November 14, 2009

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Whether There is Enjoyment in Bitterness

This afternoon, let me

Be a sad person. Am I not

Permitted (like other men)

To be sick of myself?

Am I not allowed to be hollow,

Or fall in the hole

Or break my bones (within me)

In the trap set by my own

Lie to myself? O my friend,

I too must sin and sin.

I too must hurt other people and

(Since I am no exception)

I must be hated by them.

Do not forbid me, therefore,

To taste the same bitter poison,

And drink the gall that love

(Love most of all) so easily becomes.

Do not forbid me (once again) to be

Angry, bitter, disillusioned,

Wishing I could die.

While life and death

Are killing one another in my flesh

Leave me in peace. I can enjoy,

Even as other men, this agony.

Only (whoever you may be)

Pray for my soul. Speak my name

To Him, for in my bitterness

I hardly speak to Him: and He

While He is busy killing me

Refuses to listen.

Thomas Merton

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